I’ve experienced some serious changes throughout my healing journey. There are times when I thought I was doing fine, then all of a sudden I’m not. I’ve experienced phases where I don’t want to talk to anyone and I’ve had phases where I just wanna go out and party. It’s been tough trying to learn this new version of myself.
If you haven’t read my previous blog posts, Embracing Change and Prioritizing Self-Care, check it out so you’re caught up on what phase of my life I’m in right now. I’ve entered a new chapter in my life, and it’s been terrifying not knowing what’s gonna happen in the future because I’m always the type of person to have my future planned out. It's the feeling of not knowing the unknown, but I guess this is where I trust the universe.
There are some things I have encountered in this new chapter of my life and it’s honestly been a very interesting journey. It consists of making new friends, how I’m dealing with life differently, and new romance. So keep reading because it's juicy!
New Friends
I’ve made so many new friends and I’ve become so close to them. Living in Vegas on my own gets kinda lonely, and I’ve definitely had to step out of my comfort zone by going up to people and starting conversations. I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety doing this, but luckily it’s been going well. All my friends tell me that I’m very kind and easy to talk to and I’m honored to be the person.
I’ve had many friends in the past, but they never stuck around for a long time. I think it's because I just don’t have a lot of things in common with some people or I just outgrow them. One thing that I’ve learned on my journey and from my current relationships is that friends shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable about yourself. You shouldn’t have to change who you are and what you do in order to fit in with a group of people. They shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself or give you backhanded compliments. Friends should not make it feel like there’s competition. Earlier this year, I’ve been in these types of situations and it has made me feel like terrible. I question why I’m meeting these types of people, but I’ve realized that I’m meant to meet them because they’re supposed to teach me a lesson. So I decided to cut those people off and accept new people into my life.
I’m 22 and I know that people come and go, but I’m extremely grateful for the people who are currently in my life. They taught me the importance of vulnerability, closeness, and happiness. My friends today have made me feel more comfortable in my own skin more than ever. They don’t judge me, although they do give me friendly criticism. They support me and inspire me to keep going.
How I Deal with Life
My brain has been a mess lately. I'm trying to get back on track to being organized and I've been trying to go back to my old ways, but the way I used to handle responsibilities in the past fit for who I once was. When I get stressed out, I used to read a lot of books because it helped me escape reality, or I would go out on my own and sit at a park.
Now, I do several different things to help me out when life hits me extra hard on some days.
Journaling
While reading helped me to escape reality, I have focused on journaling to be mindful of my current situations. Reading is still something I enjoy, but with such a hectic schedule I have dedicated that time to journaling for now. I don’t really follow a prompt when journaling, and I just start writing what my heart wants to write.
Going out with friends
I’m usually a homebody, but I’m young and I need to make memories with people I love. For example, I got close with a co-worker. Not only do we work together most of the week, but we go to the same college. One core memory of our friendship is that one night we ended up going to a Ramen spot near ChinaTown after work because we were hungry and craving for ramen. We ended up making it into a routine and go at least once a week. We use this time to debrief about our lives and just to support each other with certain things we are dealing with.
Exercising
I feel like I’ve mentioned this so many times, but exercising is the main thing that I do to be stress-free. I go to the gym at least several days a week and split my workouts. For example, on Mondays and Wednesdays I like to focus on legs, glutes, and cardio while on Tuesdays and Thursdays I focus on upper body, abs, and cardio.
I’m at this point of my life where I’m just so over everything. I’m over feeling stressed. I’m just over the usual American life. This month, I’m taking a step forward without fear and doing whatever it takes to make me happy now. I’m going to focus on myself and take one task at a time. I have so many years ahead of me and I shouldn’t have to worry about what I should be doing tomorrow or next week.
Self Affirmation of the Month: I believe in myself and my ability to do anything I put my mind to.
New Love
I feel nervous to be talking about this, but I’m the type of woman who has a lot of feelings. I’ve honestly been trying to stick to my word and not look for anything romantically at all. I mainly want to focus, find, and love myself again. I admit that I do see the improvement in my journey. I’ve definitely felt more confident and happier with myself. Yeah, I’ve dated a few guys here and there, but it was just in the moment—for fun.
I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, but I literally do nothing except focus on myself and guys will just come my way when I literally don’t want them. At least during that moment… I’ve started talking to someone a couple months ago or so and it’s definitely a different feeling. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. Not gonna lie, I am so terrified because I feel the butterflies growing every single day and I don’t know how to act around him. I smile more. I think more positively. In a way, I have something new and special to look forward to: talking to him.
I think I’m terrified because of my past relationship. I’ve definitely gained some insecurities and trust issues, and I’ve truly been working on them. I want to be the best version of myself, so that when I’m ready, I’m the best version for them. There are some days where the feeling is so strong that I panic. My defense tactic is to push people away because I’m scared of getting hurt again. I feel so bad because I had pushed him away multiple times, but he just keeps coming back and something about it makes me feel so excited and special.
I ask myself, “Why am I feeling this now? Especially when I’m just trying to focus on me.” But whatever is meant for me will come and stay. So here I am. I’m going to try because I think I’m ready. I just hope I don’t waste my time and get hurt again. I think love is dead in the dating world, but with him I’m willing to risk it again.
Saying Goodbye to the Old Me
I can finally admit that I feel happier now. I’m going to cherish it as much as possible. I just wanted to thank everyone who’s been a part of my depressing journey because without them I wouldn’t be who I am today. Looking back, I see the girl who had to run so that the new version of me can walk. I’m stepping into this new chapter of my life with no fear and I’m going to embrace the changes I have to experience.
About the Author:
Jaelyn Delos Reyes is a Social Media Marketing admin for the Love Yourself Foundation and a senior at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV). She enjoys reading, cafe hopping, and going to the gym. Her favorite activities are binge watching Gilmore girls and going out with friends. Her goal after graduating is to work for a company as an advertiser/marketer and working as a news reporter for a TV station.
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