“Step out of the history that is holding you back. Step in to the new story you are willing to create.” – Oprah Winfrey
Doubt is a feeling that we have, and when we feel something, it helps us understand and respond to the world around us. We experience a range of emotions, but have you ever stopped to consider what kind of thoughts those feelings bring up? By the end of this reading, you will learn to think critically about yourself.
Allow your mind to take in a new perspective you weren't aware of. Doubt is a dangerous thought that lives rent-free in most of our minds, but we don’t always have to think negatively. Believe in yourself and know you can do whatever you put your mind to.
The Root
The first step when dealing with doubt is identifying where the doubt is coming from. Having doubt is normal because we think all the time一it’s a part of being human. It’s not normal to always talk about yourself negatively. We all have a reason for why we think, speak, and act the way we do. Understand that doubt can come from past traumatic experiences or a fear of failing. There are many reasons for doubting yourself; you just have to find the answer within yourself.
I used to have times when I would doubt myself playing basketball in middle school and high school. When I played basketball in the sixth grade, I was the smallest girl on the court, yet I was the best. I remember most of my games leading up until high school, and that’s when the doubt started happening. During my freshman year of high school, I attended San Lorenzo High, where I was the starting point guard averaging 20 points a game. Then, for my sophomore year, I transferred to Oakland High School. To begin with, I wasn’t originally supposed to attend that school, but I had to go through with it. My second season of high school basketball was officially starting, and I was now on a team full of other skilled players.
I started doubting myself because when I got in the game, I would be in my head not wanting to mess up since I knew I would get benched. This made me start doing badly in games sometimes because I would overthink and doubt what I should do. I remember this one particular game which was our OAL Championship. I was so nervous because there was a huge crowd, but I had my favorite supporter at the game watching me. My dad always knows the right things to say to me when I’m in my head about basketball. So, during halftime he came to the locker room and gave me a pep talk. Once the third quarter started I played phenomenal. I got over this nervous and doubtful feeling because my dad motivated me and told me to play like I know how. He expressed to me that he wouldn’t be mad at me for making a mistake as long as I was trying my best and playing hard.
In conclusion, although there were good players on the team; I recognized that I’m a good player as well. I finally allowed myself to play at my full potential. Being scared in basketball makes you play scared and screw up. I had to remind myself who I was. Everyone needs a reminder sometimes to show them who they are, given that doubt can make you forget about all your great qualities and only let you look at the disadvantages.
Take note that there is always a root in any situation; you just have to discover it. It might take a while to see, but when you do, you’re allowing yourself to overcome that doubt that was taunting you from the beginning.
Building Confidence
Fostering confidence comes from embracing your unique strengths. You must take the steps to generate that sense of confidence you desire, which can come from small wins, like setting goals and achieving them.
Altering self-confidence starts with believing in your own potential, even when self-doubt creeps in. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to not give up on yourself and move forward. Celebrate your successes no matter how small or big they are because you’ve put in the work to get where you are. Confidence is built on action. The things you do make you feel that sense of accomplishment, which makes you confident that you can do it again. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and encourage you, and aren't afraid to acknowledge your greatness. Everyone has the same opportunities as others, but it’s up to you how you’re going to achieve them. Trust in yourself, take that jump, and let your confidence flourish.
With confidence, you have to be 100% sure about yourself and the decisions you make. For example, oftentimes I doubt myself in the decisions I make. I would typically ask for help about a particular situation or thought so that I can get a second opinion. I realize now that seeking out approval from others expresses that I’m not confident in what I’m saying or thinking if I’m asking others if I should change something or not. I never took into account that this was affecting my confidence. I’m just a person who allows myself to hear a new perspective so that I can either grow or learn something new.
Positive Self-Talk
I’m sure everyone has had their fair share of times when they’ve talked down on themselves. For example, saying “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t do this,” or ”Why am I never good enough?” is an aspect of negative self-talk. You’re self-sabotaging yourself in regards to completing something you can achieve, but are telling yourself you can’t based on the thoughts going on in your head.
One way to help build positive self-talk is to use affirmations. This is a key tactic I use because I used to have negative thoughts in my mind. Summer ‘24 I started writing down positive affirmations to allow myself to understand that everything is going to be okay. The feelings I have are temporary, and within time everything will be okay, and it helped. Every day I woke up, it was a constant reminder to myself that I could do anything I put my mind to. Our futures are up to us, only we can be the ones to change.
Along with writing affirmations, you can also download an app called “Motivation.” This app sends you multiple motivational quotes throughout the day. Whenever you pick up your phone, you’ll have a quote that may or may not resonate with you, although it’s motivational to read what could be beneficial for you. For example, today is October 22nd, 2024, and my motivational message says, “Do the best you can today.” I find this inspirational given that I tell myself all the time that tomorrow isn’t promised, so just do your best and be happy.
Self-Sabotage
Was there ever a time in your life when everything around you was going a little too good and you felt like something bad was going to happen? We get so used to challenges or difficulties that when something goes too smoothly, it feels unnatural. Then we start creating obstacles for ourselves. It’s as though we convince ourselves that we don’t deserve the good.
That is what self-sabotage is. You’re doubting yourself that you can’t have enough good in your life, which makes you want to accept the negative thoughts. Individuals self-sabotage themselves because they have doubt in their mind that something awful can occur or feel that they don’t deserve the happiness they are receiving. It’s an acceptable feeling to an extent. This is life and it'll have unexpected consequences and situations, but don’t settle for what could be and be proud of what is.
People sometimes get scared when certain situations happen and fear that they’re not capable of having a sense of happiness, which can result in them keeping their guard up. I understand that people want to protect themselves by all means, but while you believe you’re doing this for yourself, your actions can impact the other person or people you think aren’t worth that happiness. They believe that in their mind, once they’ve fully let in, something will go wrong, and will lose it once they finally get it.
I’ve had my own fair share of experiences with people self-sabotaging themselves around me, and one thing I recommended to them was reassurance. When you reassure others about the negative thoughts they’re thinking, it allows them to know that you care. Don’t be afraid to let your guard down. It doesn’t mean that you’re weak, but that you’re embracing a new version of yourself in every situation. You’ve allowed the pain and trauma to taunt you too long, and now it’s time to fully let yourself go and reclaim your strength.
In Result
Overcoming self-doubt is hard, but nothing in life comes easy. Remain humble and allow yourself to fully embrace the beautiful individual you are. Take pride in doing things for yourself and not what others think. Find out the root of your problems so you can tackle them head-on. Don’t let the situation affect you and break you down. Build that confidence so you can shine no matter what. Never let anybody tell you what you can and cannot do. Look in the mirror and tell yourself how great you are, as a constant reminder that even when there are tough times, God will give you the strength to keep going. There’s no more room to continue self-sabotaging yourself. Understand that if you’re happy, then it’s meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. Don’t live in fear of what something could be, but live your life fearlessly of what it is.
About The Author
Te’laira is a senior at the University of Nevada Las Vegas & majors in psychology. She is from Oakland, California. In her free time she likes to hang out with her friends or watch tv shows. When she’s not doing those things though she’s probably shopping online. Te’laira is a new intern at LYF with the blog and newsletter team, and is enjoying every moment of her new journey.
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