Paxton was not a happy fifteen-year-old. He was shy, had few friends, and had few interests outside of video games and watching TV. He didn’t want to do anything that forced him out of his comfort zone. To him, stepping out of his comfort zone was the same thing as losing control, and that terrified him. The horrible irony was that his fixation on having control gradually made him lose it, which put him into a deep depression.
Paxton didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, so it was hard for people around him to know how he was feeling. But there was one person who could sense Paxton’s depression, and that was his older brother Eric. Despite being close to him, Eric was his opposite. He had a lot of friends, was in a band, and would frequently leave the house. He was a total social butterfly. His social experience made him good at reading people, but was especially good at reading Paxton.
Eric knew Paxton was not emotionally expressive and quiet, but the way Paxton was acting didn’t sit right with him. So one night, Eric questioned him about it. When first questioned about his mood, Paxton brushed it off and claimed it was nothing. Eric, being the persistent person he was, didn’t buy it, and continued to pester him. After a lot of pestering, Paxton finally gave in and told him he was feeling depressed and didn’t know why.
Eric told him that the reason Paxton felt low was because he never left his comfort zone, and that in order to get better, he needed to take more chances in life. Eric told him he could practice getting out of his comfort zone by hanging with him and his friends that night. Deep down, Paxton knew his brother was right, but he couldn't stand the thought of leaving the house and feeling awkward for a few hours. So he told his brother absolutely not, and locked himself in his room so he could play video games.
Little did Paxton know, things were about to change forever. When playing Fortnite that night, he had an epiphany. In the game, he took several big chances, which helped his team win some games. One of his e-friends praised him and told him that his ability to take chances was the reason they won several games. Paxton was used to getting compliments about his gaming skills, but this one especially resonated with him. The fact that his brother mentioned the importance of taking chances just an hour before was too much of a coincidence for it not to be some sort of sign to him that taking chances was important.
This got him thinking, “Maybe it is a good idea to take chances in other areas of my life.” At that moment, he decided to take a chance and do something he would never dream of doing. He pulled out his phone and texted his brother to see if he could still come and hang out with him and his friends. This ended up being one of the best decisions he ever made, and the start of something special.
Five Years Later
Ever since that night, Paxton started taking more chances in life. To say that that helped him is an understatement. He had friends, worked out a lot, was in college, spent much less time playing video games, and had something his fifteen-year-old self wouldn’t have dreamed of having: a girlfriend. Overall, he was a much happier and confident person.
Until…
It was Paxton’s 21st birthday, which was also the three-month anniversary of his relationship with his girlfriend, Anna. For such a big occasion, Anna got him a few nice gifts, including a necklace and shoes. But the most significant gift she got him was in a small envelope. Inside was a key to her apartment. This was her way of asking him to move in.
Paxton was having problems with his own apartment. The management wouldn’t fix things, there were rodents, and it was very old. On the other hand, Anna’s apartment was very nice. So when she offered the opportunity to upgrade his living situation and live with the girl he liked, he was obviously happy. But this wasn’t the only emotion he felt. He also felt a sense of discomfort. “Moving in with a girl I have dated for only four months could be risky. Maybe I should wait and get to know her better,” he thought to himself.
This feeling of uncertainty was something that Paxton used to shy away from. But avoiding uncertainty only ever brought him pain. Over the past five years, much of his successes came from taking leaps of faith and “just going for it.” So just like he had been doing for the past five years, Paxton decided to take a chance. And one week later, he moved in with Anna.
Little did Paxton know, this was one of the worst decisions he would make in his life.
Eight months into living together, things got very bad. Anna started getting suspicious over little things, became more demanding, frequently had angry outbursts, and became more controlling. It got to the point where Paxton couldn’t hang out with his friends out of fear of making Anna angry. Paxton’s life with Anna revolved around walking on eggshells and making sure he wasn’t out of step.
As bad as things got, Paxton still loved and felt comfort around her. To Paxton, Anna was his queen and his dictator. Having Anna not be mad at him was his peace, and her being nice to him was his heaven.
Being in this situation caused his friendships, his work life, and his grades to suffer. Even his relationship with his brother was starting to suffer. Just as he did when he was fifteen, he was losing control and becoming depressed. He understood it was because of his relationship with Anna, and he knew his life would likely improve if he ended the relationship. But the thought of doing it was so scary to him, to the point where he believed it wasn’t worth it. And, every time he built up the courage to end it, Anna would start acting nice and shower him with love. This cycle dug him deeper and deeper into the relationship, and each time he went deeper, his life situation became worse.
The Leap
It was Thanksgiving, and the first time in their eleven-month relationship that Paxton and Anna were apart from each other. Paxton traveled back home to see his family. This was also the first time he saw Eric in almost a year. At first, Eric acted cold towards Paxton. Eric’s feelings toward Paxton were understandable, as Paxton was not calling him as much and ignored many of his texts. But this feeling of coldness faded as Eric started to sense that something was seriously wrong with Paxton.
So like he did when they were younger, Eric pestered him about what was up. And unlike before, when it took several attempts to get Paxton to tell him the problem, Paxton immediately broke down. He told Eric everything about his situation with Anna and how it had been hurting his life.
Paxton went into detail about how he took a chance on a girl he only knew for a couple months and how it came back to haunt him. “The ‘go for it’ mentality that helped me was the mentality that ended up getting me into this mess,” Paxton said. He then explained how he was just like when he was fifteen: a person who was scared of leaving his comfort zone.
“The reason you have grown so much over the years is because you started taking chances,” Eric said. “Not every chance you take will benefit you, and some will make your life worse. But the moment you stop taking chances altogether is the moment you will make your life much worse. And ever since you have been with Anna, you have totally stopped taking chances.”
This advice hit Paxton like a thousand pounds of bricks. It was something that he knew, but the way Eric worded it helped him truly understand what was at stake. Paxton took this advice to heart and decided to take another chance. The next morning, he and his brother drove three hours back to the apartment he lived in with Anna, moved every one of Paxton’s possessions out, and drove back home. Paxton never looked back.
Only six months later, Paxton met the love of his life. As of right now, he has been with her for over a year and has been engaged to her for three months. “Taking the chance and leaving Anna was the best decision I have ever made,” Paxton said.
Zooming Out
Paxton’s story sheds light on the value and reality of taking chances. Not all of the chances we take are going to benefit us. But this shouldn’t discourage us from ever taking chances again. The chance Paxton took on a girl he barely knew put him in a horrible situation. This, added with the abusive dynamic, discouraged him from wanting to take more chances. Paxton feared that another leap of faith could put him in an even worse situation. “The only way I was able to make my life better was to take uncertainty head-on and leave Anna. It wasn’t comfortable at the moment, but it ended up paying off for me tenfold,” Paxton said.
About the Author:
Chase Larwin is currently a content editor and writer for the marketing and blog/newsletter team at the Love Yourself Foundation. Starting as young as eight years old, he would write stories and create movie scripts. At the age of 16, he started writing political satire for an Instagram account and continued this until he was 18 years old. He is currently in his final semester at UNLV and will be graduating in journalism. He plans on attending Law School in the fall.
Comments